If You’re in an Abusive Relationship, You Can Still Get Out – Here’s How

Too many people wonder why women can’t simply walk away from an abusive relationship. However, survivors know that it’s never easy to end a significant relationship, especially if you’re being physically threatened, your finances are being controlled, and you experience psychological violence regularly.

A victim service call center notes that abuse is about power and control, and when someone decides to leave the relationship, this threatens the abuser’s power and can motivate them to retaliate. Moreover, some survivors may not recognize what a healthy relationship looks like and believe that what they’re experiencing is normal.

If you’re currently in an abusive relationship and want to break free from the chains of your abuser, here are some tips that can help you successfully reclaim your life.

Make a firm decision

It is difficult to leave your abuser. When making this decision, be sure to keep in mind that only you can change your current situation. If you have hopes that your abuser will change, understand that it is rare that an abuser will change their behavior.

A change in behavior is not guaranteed, no matter how much they say they’ll change for the better or promise to attend counseling programs. The first step to leaving is making this decision, so make sure that what you choose to do is final and muster all the courage to not look back.

⁠Find a support network

Survivors of abuse are often plagued with trust issues and feel embarrassed about their situation. This makes it difficult for them to confide in another person and find a stable support network that can help them leave their abuser. However, it’s crucial that you confide and ask help from other people in order to create potential witnesses and find support. If you’re not comfortable talking to your friends and family, especially if they have close ties with your abuser, it’ll do you well to reveal your predicament to those who can provide an objective point of view.

Trained advocates from support services can be of great help if you choose to leave, as they are qualified to help survivors of spousal abuse, attempted murder, battery, and sexual assault. These professionals can offer support and social welfare services to those who are victimized by crimes.

If you’re unable to reach such support services, be sure to ask help from other people that you encounter regularly ⁠— whether it’s your physician, teacher, or co-worker. These people can relay your situation to the authorities, and hopefully, help you find a court advocate who can help you file a protection order.

Collect evidence whenever you can

Survivors have to overcome the huge challenge of collecting evidence against their abuser. The reality for abuse survivors out there is incredibly unfair, as the testament of abuse is not enough to stand on its own. In fact, it is noted that taking the stand against your abuser often backfires inside the court. Because of this, survivors have to materialize evidence in order for their testimony to avoid getting called into question.

Photos, handwritten letters, messages, doctor’s notes of violence, and videos are some examples of evidence that you can use against your abuser. Be sure to keep your evidence somewhere secure and hidden.

Create a safety plan

You should have a safety plan ready when you’re emotionally and mentally prepared to reclaim your life. Your safety plan should allow you to leave at a moment’s notice. Consider your transportation and have a go-bag that’s filled with all your necessities. Be sure that you have emergency cash, clothing, documents, and phone numbers stashed inside a safe place before you leave. In addition, you should also go through and rehearse your safety plan as much as you can so you can escape safely and quickly when the time comes.

You shouldn’t let yourself suffer by staying in an abusive relationship. If you or someone you know is being abused and is looking to escape, please call our 24-hr COPELine at 888-285-5665.

Written exclusively for womensafe.org
Submitted by Simone Riverlyn