Myths & Realities of Domestic Violence

The facts behind the myths about domestic violence:

1. Domestic Violence only affects a small percentage of the population. Domestic violence is the single greatest cause of injury to women between the ages of 15-44; more common than rapes, car accidents, muggings combined. In fact, every 9 seconds a women is assaulted by someone that "loves" her.


2. Middle/Upper class women are not battered as frequently or as violently as poorer women. Middle/upper class women are more likely to keep domestic violence a secret for fear of social embarrassment or harming their husband's careers. However, domestic violence occurs across all socio-economic levels.


3. Batterers are violent in all of their relationships. Batterers in general are not violent in other aspects of their lives. Only 5-10 percent of convicted batterers have assault records with other victims.


4. Victims of domestic violence are uneducated and have few job skills. Nearly one-third (31%) of American women report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point during their lives. Victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life ranging from teenagers, children who witness abuse, professionals, doctors, clergy, stay at home parents, service providers, to shift workers.


5. Batterers are unsuccessful and lack the resources to cope with the world. As with victims, perpetrators of domestic violence come from every walk of life. Batterers can be judges, carpenters, service professionals, or your next-door neighbor.


6. Batterers are never a loving partner. When not in a violent episode, victims of domestic violence often describe their partners as playful, sensitive and exciting. The severe swings in a batterer's behavior is what perpetuates the "cycle of violence" and keeps a victim in a relationship.


7. Once a battered women, always a battered women. Women who received some beneficial intervention rarely remarried another batterer.


8. It is easy for a victim of domestic violence to leave if she really wanted. Victims of domestic violence are often leaving a highly controlled environment. They usually have been isolated from family and friends, have limited financial resources due to their partner controlling the money and assets. Women 75% more likely to be murdered once they separate from their abuser.


9. Batterers will end their violence once they are married. Often victims believe once they marry their batterer, the batterer will feel more secure and confident in their relationship and the violence will stop. However, usually the batterer's suspiciousness and possessiveness increase along with the rate of violence. Domestic violence will only increase in frequency and severity over time.


10. Children need a father, even if he is occasionally violent. Children living in violent homes have severe emotional and educational problems. Children who witness domestic violence are 700 times more likely to become abusers. Children who are victims of domestic violence are 1,000 times more likely to become abusers as adults.


11. Domestic violence is a "family problem." Domestic violence impacts every facet of our society. Ninety percent of all violent crimes against the elderly are domestic violence crimes. Forty percent of teenage girls report knowing someone who has been either physically or sexually assaulted in their relationship. Domestic violence costs businesses an estimated $5 billion annually.

Paraphrased from Lenore E Walker, "The Battered Women" Myths and Reality